Friday, February 27, 2009


I thought I might be a nerd for writing this blog, but then learned I am not, because the actual definition of a nerd is "a person with limited social, but advanced technological skills and interests." Whew! I am in the clear, because I have social skills.

Before looking up "nerd" in the dictionary, I might've falsely labeled myself one, because I am enamored with words. I have started becoming more and more intentional with my use of words, most likely because I am an English education major, but still, words should matter.

"I love you" should matter. "I'll pray for you" should matter. I want my words to be on purpose. I want to be intentional in everything I do.

There are several words that have been popping up and demanding attention in my life recently more than ever before.

So for curiousity's sake, and I can think of few that are better, the following:
Love is "a strong positive emotion of regard and affection" or "a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction".

Now by that definition, I don't want to throw the word "love" around. Do I really feel sexual desire and attraction towards sandwiches? No. That would be weird. I want "love" to matter. Granted I "love" my sister, but do not feel sexually attracted to her, I just think I could stand to mean what I say a little more often.

Faith is "loyalty or allegiance to a cause or a person," but can also mean, "complete confidence in a divine power."

I have faith in many things: faith in love, faith in people, faith in Barack Obama, faith in Spirit.

I've been confronted recently, with a question I thought I answered a long time ago, but am considering seriously now, more than ever before, "Am I a Christian?" I'm sure the definition has changed for me through the years, but wanting answers, I went to the source, the dictionary (I know you're laughing at how ridiculous I am, I'm okay with that!). And when I say "dictionary" I really mean, "Google".

Starting with the word christ, meaning, "any expected deliverer." And a Christian, "an individual who seeks to live his or life according to the principles and values taught by Jesus Christ."

Hmm, can any one really call themselves a Christian by that definition, "seeks to live like Jesus Christ"? I'm not sure I can. I'd like to, but I assume the key word in that definition is "seek".

I know an atheist is "someone who denies the existence of god", which I know I've moved beyond. But an agnostic is "someone who believes that people cannot know whether God exists or not" and "a denial of ultimate knowledge of the existence of God."

Now this I can relate to. Aren't we all agnostic? If someone could prove the existence of God indefinitely, we'd all believe. No one can prove God. No one can disprove God. Agnosticism makes sense to me because I don't believe anyone can claim "ultimate" knowledge of the existence of God, it's just not possible.

Is there such thing as an agnostic Christian? I believe in Spirit, I believe there is "something" greater, bigger than me. I know that "something" keeps me heart beating, my blood pumping, but can I prove that? Of course not. No one can.

According to Wikipedia, as we all know is the end-all and be-all of truth, I am an agnostic theist or spiritual agnostic meaning, "the view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, but still believe in such an existence."

Harry Emerson Fosdick said, "All intelligent faith in God has behind it a background of humble agnosticism."

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the book Eat, Pray, Love, writes, "If faith were rational it wouldn’t be- by definition- faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first, full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be…a prudent insurance policy."

I cannot prove the how, why, where, and when, of Spirit, I won't pretend to, but I can still have faith.

Thank you Google.


Carley Brown said...

I enjoyed this post, as is the case with most all your posts. I liked where you said. "I want my words to be on purpose. I want to be intentional in everything I do. "

Its good to think about those kinds of things. I liked the reminder.