Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Muy Thanks

Counting my blessings. The good that too often gets ignored.

-I've been back from Cambodia for 9 months and I'm doing well. Anticipating home left me anxious, worried, and scared for what might happen. But upon arriving, I was surrounded by supportive friends and family that made the transition easier. I'm happier than I've been in several years and I'm still learning.

-My kids in Cambodia still want to keep in touch with me. The 12th graders will be graduating soon and they keep me filled in on all the drama. Fay and Polly email often and I'm blessed with a conscious reminder almost daily that it is a big world and I'm a very small part of it.

-I have opportunities up the wazoo (wahzoo?). Eh, you get it. I am rich, though I don't always feel like it. I have money in my back account, a car, a lap top, a cell phone, plenty of clothes in my closet. I've always had food, healthcare, insurance, and education. I'm in college. I have credit cards. I've never run out of water and I've traveled outside my country. I'm in the top richest percentage of people on planet earth, based solely upon my location on the globe.

-I have several wonderful people I rely on, listen to, depend on, and learn from. I have dear friends and family I would die for. Really.

-My everyday struggles include how to fit in all the great opportunities available on a college campus, what to eat for lunch, and where to spend my money. I might be faced with a small squabble with a teacher, but I've never had to choose between water or food, education or food, safety or food. My problems are quite small.

-Yesterday I was reminded that when faced with the whole Acai fiasco, I would've handled it quite differently a few months ago or 2 years ago. Saying, "I have an eating disorder" feels less and less true the more I continue to heal. I never, ever thought I'd be writing this, saying this, feeling this, but I'm doing well. I haven't met regularly with an ED counselor in 1.5 years. I haven't thrown up in 5.5 months. I haven't talked to my dietician in several weeks. Food, exercise, body image, and self-hatred dominate my life less and less and I am so grateful.

-I'm dating this guy named Jeremy. I don't have a long dating history, so this is pretty much all new to me. But we're going on 4 months and he is amazing. We joke that we are just friends with benefits, but let me explain the benefits. Jeremy is a friend I laugh with, play with, go on adventures with, and talk to about...everything. But the "benefits" mean he wants to hear what I have to say, I'm not a burden to him, he doesn't seem to just tolerate me, he might just like me. Other benefits include, honesty, prayer, openness, understanding, and growth. I'm challenged, stretched, and comforted knowing he is in my life.

To spirit above, below, and all around: much grateful, many blessed, muy thanks.


Carley Brown said...

I like reading your blog. I don't have an interesting comment but I guess I just wanted to let you know, I always like what you have to say.