Wednesday, May 20, 2009


For the sake of writing, I write.

Home can be healing. I'm a creature of habit and so changing my location, my community, my environment tends to throw me for a loop. But I'm home in good 'ol Colorado and I'm doing okay. I was intentional about talking to those closest to me about my fears before I left and upon arriving home I asked my parents for what I needed for help, instead of getting frustrated when I didn't get it. We've been doing pretty well. Nana, my mom's mom is here visiting for a month. She's a feisty Portuguese spit fire with very little tact, a whole lot of complaints, and a horrible memory. Needless to say, we're managing. I've been making a point of getting out of the house when I need room to breathe and remembering she is old (81 but don't tell anyone) and really can't help her poor memory. I get frustrated when I tell her the date 6 times in five minutes or have to yell so she can hear me. I get frustrated when she talks about all the colored people on TV or how fat people are these days. But she's family and someday I'll be old, possibly rude, and most likely absent minded. Have patience with me and I'll try to have patience with Nana.

Being home I went to my home church, The Adventure. It's a good place with good, intentional, honest people. It's intriguing to watch the young kids in my church as they grow up. It's crazy really. But I don't embarass them by saying, "I remember you when you were just two feet tall. Boy, you've grown up haven't you?" I hated it when people said that to me as if we had a relationship or there was anything more I could do than smile and say, "Oh". Either way these kids are growing up and it blows my mind how fast.

I thought I'd feel a lot more cool now than I do. I mean I'm in college. I'm those cool college kids with cars, majors, and a social life (well, sometimes). And growing up I thought, "Yeah, that will be so cool." Eh, it's alright. But really, it just confirms my belief that some people spend their whole lives either dreading the past or anticipating a future that might not turn out as they wish it would. So the best, most nourishing place to live, is now. Yeah, I'll tell you when I master this one.

My scale/magazine fast is going well. I'll admit I've caught myself glancing sneakily over people's shoulders as they pour over People magazine, but no, I stopped and chuckled at how silly I can be. I'm really doing okay not comparing myself to daily to the world of celebritydom that I'll never be. Plus, yesterday at the doctor's office, I went through the usual routine when they weigh me of turning around and saying, "I don't need to know. Please don't tell me how much I weigh." She laughed and said, "Well, if you are that intentional about not wanting to know, you probably already know anyway." To which I proudly said, "Actually I don't. I'm on a scale fast." She just looked at me oddly and walked away. Next week Bikram yoga will find me whole, healthy, and more than what scales and magazines tell me I should be.

When I come home I attend every possible Zumba and yoga class I can. Zumba is good for my inner child and I like that it attracts all kinds: young high schoolers, middle something deprived dancers, mothers of five, and white-haired men from the senior center. It's always a good time and the instructors are really kind and willling to share their choreography and music for my own classes. Yoga has become one of the best spiritual restorations for me. Ahh. The teachers here are pretty good and it intrigues me mucho that because our lives have become so insanely busy, we actually pay for a quite room, meditation lessons, and plate crashing stress relief centers. Oh to always have a life that incorporates room to breathe and time to think.

I'm gearing up for summer camp in Tennessee. I've never done the camp thing and I believe my time has come. I'll be counseling and sports director. Yippee! I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing this summer. I've missed not having kids around, though I can't believe I'm even saying that, I'm thrilled.

Guess who lowered her cholesterol 100 points in 4 months? Yeah, take that stress and poor eating! Ha. That took a lot of oatmeal, walnuts, fish oil, and red yeast rice, trust me. Cambodia you've got nothing on me. Well, not "nothing" but less. Apparently there is still yeast, candida, and parasite eggs growing in my tummy, but they'll be gone soon, oh I hope soon...No longer anemic. No more sluggish thyroid. Ahh, good health. Good.