Monday, February 8, 2010

Stable

Sometimes I feel a little, less-than.

Sometimes I wonder if hope really will come in the spring.

Sometimes I wish I had a filter.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something.

Sometimes I am way up, then way down, and wish I felt more consistent.

Sometimes I wish I was stable.

Sometimes I am jealous of my sister, her calm, her put togetherness, her love.

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Sometimes I think too hard.

Sometimes I want to fall asleep, for a year.

Sometimes I wish words like "anorexia," "bulimia," "therapist," "perfection," and "Cambodia" were not part of my vocabulary.

Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm kidding when I say I am insecure, unconfident, and introverted.

Sometimes I wish I came equipped with REWIND, FAST FORWARD, and PAUSE buttons.

Sometimes I can't figure out why everyone's so happy.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so honest and people would lie to me.

Sometimes I wish I had an alcohol addiction instead.

Sometimes I wish were shorter, bustier, thinner, blonder, nicer, smarter, better.

Sometimes I wish I didn't write things like this, because chances are I'll feel slightly better in the morning and I imagine people reading and thinking, "Geez, she's always complaining about something!"

Sometimes I wish I could snap out of this, this weird sadness thing, you know the opposite of the happiness I felt 2 weeks ago. What's with that?


Buddha says, "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." (thanks Hannah)

Sometimes I don't like Buddha.

4 comments:

Emily said...

if cambodia wasn't a part of your vocabulary, your kids wouldn't be either.

and if those other words weren't a part of your vocabulary, a whole lot of people wouldn't be able to use the words "honest", "thought-provoking", "relatable", "admirable", "inspiring", "human" and "friend" when we say the name "heather".

tyler said...

Sometimes I think you're too hard on yourself....

Carley Brown said...

Sometimes... we just need 'gripe' days.

When I went to UCA, my dean would let us have one day of gripping. You could complain about anything.

We're not meant to be happy on this earth. Nothing will satisfy.

I know the feeling comes and goes but just so you know, I don't think you complain all the time, and in fact I like reading about what you write cause its whats happening with you. Its real, and at least I know there are other 'real' people out there.

Seth said...

If we didn't have bad days we wouldn't have good days either.

"so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matthew 5:45 (NASB)