Saturday, April 3, 2010

Pride

Essentially, a blog is an online journal. Some serve different purposes than others. But in the end it's not like a newspaper that is expected to have news material, a sports section, and a weekly section on pets. A blog can be whatever the writer wants it to be.

I started this blog when I left for Cambodia almost three years ago. Can you believe it? I can't. Three years. I wrote about my experiences in Cambodia, teaching English, living alone in a foreign country, doubting God, and fighting the inner demons, we all have, but seem to show up more when far from home. I wrote for therapy, I suppose I still do. But I also wrote to give family and friends a portrait of life far away. My supportive friends and family sent love in form of emails and even letters. Several people contacted me during that year thanking me for my transparency because they were valiantly fighting their own battles and seemed to be losing, but it was helpful to know someone else was fighting too.

I benefited so much from writing while I was in Cambodia, I kept writing the first year after. This time, the struggles of adapting to "home," balancing school and work and relationships and Cambodia and this fast-paced life we call "normal."

Writing this year (the third year) just seemed normal too. Obviously, I'm not longer writing to tell my mom and dad about Cambodia. I write to continue healing, but as mentioned, a friend recently made me consider my purpose.
-Do I write to heal?
-Do I write to tell an honest story that I hope people can relate to?
-Do I write because I like receiving feedback from others?

I'd say all of these are true. I suppose the danger comes when I mistakenly think, "Well, based on all this wonderful feedback I've gotten from people fighting their own demons, they need me to keep writing!"

WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.

I'm not responsible for anyone. No one needs me that much. That, I think, may be the blogger's illness: pride.

Either way, I'm still convinced that a forty day break/lent is in order. But, a few things before I disappear for awhile.

-I've been seeing a counselor, Lynn, since January. She's helping me stay on track with my progress. I'd recommend counseling to anyone, even those people who don't think they have problems. Counselors aren't for healing brokenness, they're for offering guidance. After four years with an eating disorder, that title feels less and less true to me recently. This semester has been huge in my growth and recovery. Making strides.

-I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about my student from Cambodia, Kagna, who is attending Adventist University of the Philippines and quickly running out of money. I'm going to send as much money as I can, because I know my money is a vote: for a better world, or a stuck world. I want to use my money because I believe in this girl and she deserves and education just like everyone else.

I plead to my home church and they offered a few donations. A friend in Washington and Tennessee were able to offer a few dollars. Hmm, isn't there some story about a woman offering little, but giving all she had? Yeah, that's how I feel about these women. Thank you.

If you have $20 or $100, I'd greatly appreciate the help and so would she. I haven't told her, mostly because I didn't want to get her hopes up, then let her down. Please give whatever you can. If you live in Colorado, you can send any donations to The Adventure Adventist Church and mark it "AUP." Or you can send your check to me and I'll forward it on. Email me at http://hbohlender@gmail.com/, if you'd like my address.

It's not too late. If you want to help, please do so soon.


By the time I blog again on May 14th, I want to have a more defined purpose for this blog. Without purpose, what's the point? I'll let you know in forty days.


Take care.

Be well.

Sincerely,
Heather