Friday, February 4, 2011

Chai

I wonder if coffee shops have this effect on everyone. Or just me.

It can't just be me because coffee shops are always brimming with movement, conversation, and the intoxicating scent of freshly smothered coffee beans.

I just sat down at my favorite coffee shop across the street from campus. I'm rarely here on a Friday afternoon. By now, I'd prefer to be home. Doing nothing. But after one of the most chaotic days I've had so far this semester, I still have a few assignments that must be finished, a few chapters that need to be read. I sat down. My head fell almost instinctively fell to the table in front of me. And I cried.

Not ugly sobbing tears, mind you. Just a few little dribbles that needed to exit my body and absorb into the fabric of my dress. That was enough. Thirty seconds of I'm-running-on-empty-and-don't-love-today kind of tears. Yes, that was enough. Because after that I realized:
I'm in a safe place. It's going to be all right. Chai makes everything better. Every time.

I might've swiped some art from my lovely friend Emily's blog recently and now it resides on my desktop:



At least three separate times this week, just reading the words re-directed the course of my day. That and Israel 'IZ' Kamakawiwo'ole's version of "Over the Rainbow." Uh huh. That's the one.

THESE moments are my life.

The moments when I feel like I'm falling apart.
The moments when my teacher mercilessly docks points off my 6 hour project for using one space instead of two.
The moments when nothing fits right, feels right, goes right.
The moments when I'm standing in line at the grocery store.
The moments that I wish didn't count for moments of my life because, frankly, they're not my best.

In fact, they may be down right ugly.
But they still count.
Can't cancel.
Can't edit.
No need.
Perfection is a conspiracy.

This moment is my life.

Onward.

5 comments:

Emily said...

chai DOES make everything better. and I'm so glad you found encouragement in that quote too. keep hanging in there, girl! I miss you!

mariluvsyou said...

Heather.

I don't know how to tell you that God made you write these words so I would read them. I keep reading this over and over, and crying, because this is me summed up into one blog post, struggling with moments i wish didn't happen, moments that make up what i am.

Simply,

Thank you.

Hannah said...

This just my made my toes tingle and soul want to dance! :-)

Ruth Ibuado said...

You Inspire me.

Ruth Ibuado said...

You inspire me.