Thursday, May 26, 2011

Mile 82

I left my regrets at Mile 82
along the river in the canyon
to the Rocky Mountains.
I left them there
because I didn't know what else to do.
Should I roll them tight to put in my pocket?
Should I hang them on a wall?
Should I try giving them to someone else?
Should I shove them in an abandoned drawer?
Should I pretend they don't exist, yet, be reminded of them every day?
No.
No.

So instead, I left my regrets at Mile 82
along the river in the canyon
to the Rocky Mountains.
I left them there because it just made sense.
Should I have carried them on my back with guilt?
Should I have tried to rewind and un-regret them?
Should I have blamed them on someone else?
Should I have held them tight in my heart as my deepest faults?
Should I have refused to forget in order to feel truly sorry and pay my debt?
No.
No.

So instead, I left my regrets at Mile 82
along the river in the canyon
to the Rocky Mountains.
I left them there
because it was time.
Time to let go.
Time to let it be.
Time to move on.
Time to exhale.
Time to make peace with the past that never quite cooperated because I had so much to learn.
Yes.
Yes.

I left my regrets at Mile 82
regrets that span decades
regrets that were old, rotten, and moldy
regrets that held a knife to my throat
regrets that kept me stagnate, stuck, scared
regrets that could have festered there another twenty-three years if I let them.
So I didn't.

I wrote them down,
gave them a face,
held them in my hands,
smiled at their puny size.

I walked down to the river.
I struck a match.
I set my regrets on fire
and watched them wisp away
in the mountain breeze
farther and farther
'till they landed in the water
and disappeared.

I left my regrets at Mile 82
along the river in the canyon
to the Rocky Mountains.
I left them there
because I didn't need them anymore
to define who I am
to determine my future
to cage me in guilt.

I left them there
because I am moving on.
And that is one thing I will never regret.

1 comments:

Kylie said...

I am proud of you and inspired by you.