Sunday, May 8, 2011


What if I looked like this?
Or this?
Or this?
Would I be happier?
More loveable?
A better musician?
Would it be easier to look myself in the mirror and accept that this is what I've been given?

I know from experience that losing a few pounds does not guarantee happiness. In fact, it made me neurotic and irrational and frankly, crazy. And when it was all said and done (by way of anorexia and bulimia), I hated myself just as much as I did before. Just as much, if not more.

It's not about the weight, it's about the soul inside. And that soul defines who I am. That soul has courage and heart and intelligence and spice.

I am not a body. I have a body.

And if my body looked anything like the pictures above, I wouldn't be able to do this...
Or this...
I wouldn't have the endurance for snowshoeing the Colorado mountains in the winter
or hiking them in the spring
or winning the ASB dodge ball tournament two out of the three years.
I surely wouldn't have survived a year in Cambodia.
And I couldn't teach energetic Zumba classes twice a week.
If my body were not the exact size and shape that it is today, I wouldn't have been able to run 13.1 miles in the half marathon and feel the pride in my body afterward.
Let me clarify: not every woman thinner than me is anorexic. Some people are just born smaller. However, my body was not.
My body was built differently.
My body was meant to be solid and strong and enduring and tough.
My body was meant to be one hundred and fifty pounds.
To have powerful legs.
To have strong arms and shoulders.
To have cellulite that I'm sure serves some valuable purpose as well.

The way I see it, I have a choices.

I can be model-thin, have sticks for legs, a double D chest, firm and bronzed skin, and the energy and strength of a dandelion


I can climb mountains and dance and travel and run and play and hit kids with dodge balls. And do so with all the energy that I need and with a wonderful body that has, that is, and that will continue to carry me through.


kessia reyne said...

Three years in a row?! Girrrrrl, you're hardcore. I might have big hips and sturdy legs, but I'm still terrible at dodgeball. Coordination isn't my strong suit ;)

But yes-- if given the choice between looking like a supermodel and living life, life is always the better choice. Life, life, magical life!!