Friday, January 27, 2012

Fishing


I want to say something brilliant.
Something different and unique and important.
Something thrilling and exciting and fresh.
Something worthwhile and deep and insightful.
I want to say something wonderful, but I don't have much to say at all.

It's strange, really. Ninety-five percent of the time I have at least six ideas rattling around in my head, begging attention and thought and words with which to bring them to life. Most of the time it's like fishing in a bathtub. You can't not catch something. That would just be stupid. There's six fish in a bathtub. How could you lose?

Well, the problem lately is that the most fish I've seen in the bathtub lately is...one. Or none, depending on the day. I'm not sure which feels worse having no ideas and thoughts worth writing about or having thirty-seven. Because both are kind of depressing. You either have nothing or you have way too much.

I imagine that the reason I am wordless is because suddenly, for the first time in my life, I'm not packed to the gills (sorry, I couldn't help myself) with homework, lesson plans, meetings, appointments, classes, and responsibilities. Nope. Now I'm done with college. I'm not working regularly and the day is pretty wide open. I spend most of the day alone. And before you feel sorry for me, recognize that I'm pretty much okay with that. I lean introverted, so it's actually be really nice because I feel like when I do spend time with friends in the evening I have so much more energy to give them.

So, I'm not lonely.
I'm not bored.
I'm not sad.
I'm not depressed.
I'm not anxious.
I just...am.
Not particularly inspired.
Not particularly interesting.
Not particularly anything.

I figure I can either fight this and worry and complain and stress out about the lack of inspiration and energy compared to the life I've led thus far, or I can just roll with it. I can just show up. I can just take this time for the season that it is and be.

I'm choosing to be.

1 comments:

EMILY STAR said...

I want so badly to learn to love the calm minutes. I'm happy your life has simmered a bit, though I doubt it will stay that way for long...Wedding!