Wednesday, May 2, 2012

What Ifs



In ten days, I am getting married.

In light of that fact, I feel like I am one interaction
one red light
one missed phone call
one flat tire
one over-cooked grilled cheese sandwich away from losing it.

From cracking.
From crying.
From eloping (only kinda...).

Last night, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't turn off my brain. Sleep came eventually, restlessly.

What will she think?
Where will we take pictures if it rains?
The MC needs notes.
I must send that e-mail.
He needs the weekend schedule.
That dress needs fixed.
I need to make that necklace. 
Where is my wallet?
What will my name be after May 13th?
How will the generator get back to the farm?
Who is transporting gifts?
Did we send a thank-you to so and so?
Drink water.
Must wear sunscreen.
How is he getting back from the airport?
When will this be over?

I am happy we are getting married.
I am also quite ready for this intense planning, organizing, and "us-focus" to be over.
I'm ready for that honeymoon.
I have no idea where we are going as Jeremy is planning it.
And I am so looking forward to it.

My dear cousin, Angie, sent me this e-mail today. She's wise:

"In these, the final days before your wedding, I am remembering how stressed out I became as my big day approached.  My gift or wish for you for this coming week, Sweetie, is the gift of a **thick skin**.  IN fact, if I could mail you a piece of leather in time to illustrate this point I would.  There are so many “What ifs” you could entertain.  - What if it doesn’t all go perfectly?  What if someone gets upset with you about something like your name change, etc etc.  Every “what if” scenario is guaranteed to stir up worry if you let it play through your mind.  So if you notice them please banish these future horror movies from your mind. 
And maybe you can have a thick skin this week, which things roll off of, so that YOU are protected from these events penetrating you so deeply, so that YOU are insulated from the feelings/opinions/comments of others. 
Because I, for one, don’t care if the venue’s hot, if the food is cold, or if you change your legal name to Heather Beather (which is pretty catchy, actually). We get to witness YOU marry JEREMY!!!  It’s going to be beautiful."
It's going to be beautiful.
Because it's ours.
It's our story.
It's our wedding.
And amidst all these to-dos and what-nots, we're in love and we're happy. 
Damnit.


2 comments:

Ben Barber said...

Heather Beather is catchy! Jeremy might be jealous of such a cool name, though. Maybe Jer Bear.

Katie said...

Yeah, me too. I'm sure we'll both make it. But I'm 27 days out and currently, at 2 am before baccalaureate, trying to get the invitation list done. [bleh]

I seem to alternate between the racing in my head keeping me from sleeping, or the tears. Last night it was because my mom wouldn't look at my dress after she found out it was sleeveless.

But. You're right. I'm still in love, and still getting married. And so are you. And that's what matters.

See you in the funny caps and gowns tomorrow, Heather Beather.