Tuesday, June 12, 2012

One Month Anniversary

Jeremy and I have been married for one month. I'm not sure how that all happened, but by looking at the calendar, I know that somehow it did.

When I told non-camp people that Jeremy and I would be working at camp this summer, many of them said, "Oh great, it'll be like an extended honeymoon!" To which I replied, "You've obviously never worked at camp."

So a few months ago, I called the camp director and asked her if getting married and coming straight to camp was a bad idea, if we were just asking for trouble, if it would be too much. I felt assured by her that it would be okay. I still feel that way: it will be okay. But right now, it doesn't feel okay.

It doesn't really feel like we're married. It just feels like we suddenly gained sleeping privileges in the same bed at the end of long days. He's super busy as the assistant director and camp life is just plain crazy for both of us. I feel lonely. I miss him. I don't know many people here. I come back to our apartment at the end of the day and sometimes I'm asleep before he gets back and he leaves before I wake up. This isn't exactly what I was expecting of our first month of marriage; of what will be the first few months of marriage.

We've both worked at camp for several summers. I know how this goes. I knew we'd be busy. But being in a brand-spankin' new environment where we know pretty much no one, has been an added struggle and it's been hard not to at least have him--my best friend--at the end of the day.

Had we stayed home for the summer or gone back to the camp we were at before, so many people would say, "Oh wow! You're married now! That's crazy," and "Show us pictures!" or "Tell us about the wedding." But no one says that here. Why would they? They don't know us and we don't know them. I'm not expecting strangers to have that kind of enthusiasm. I guess, I just need to accept that by choosing to come here, the honeymoon stage has worn off a bit faster than I wanted.

Oh, expectations. Dangerous things...

So, it is what it is.

This week is busier, not every week will be this way.

Settling into our roles will take time and the learning curve is steep.There will be a plateau.

We'll have time apart. We'll cherish time together.

I can be happy for the time we do get together. Rolling my eyes is choice. And it only makes him feel worse for having to work another late night (something he has no control over).

I can make new friends. Even if my 24 years feel ancient compared to 90% of the staff.

I can be patient.
I can wait for peace and perspective.
Because they will come.
Because they always do.