Monday, June 18, 2012


Being here at camp has been much harder than I thought it would be. The last several nights, Jeremy has had to work well past 1am and we just see each other in passing a few times during the day. This is not ideal. This is hard. This hurts. I miss him. And it's hard being here as a newly married couple and not seeing him much.

This morning got off to a rough start. We didn't get much sleep, we didn't see each other much the day before, and we had early morning staff worship. We were cranky and impatient with each other trying to get out the door on time. Then we were late. I could hardly keep my eyes open and was feeling overall crummy about the day ahead. So, I called my dear friend, Kylie.

Forty-three minutes later, I recognized that the best thing about a good friend is, when you say, "This hurts", and they say, "I'm so sorry. It's okay to feel that." That's all. That's usually all we need. For someone to remind us that it's okay to feel what we are feeling. It's okay to be what we are being.

And I cried because it felt good to cry. To acknowledge that this is hard and that's okay. We may not have easy answers or solutions, but we have concern and compassion and prayer. Telling Kylie about the ins-and-outs of camp reminded me that there are some really hard things about camp and some really stellar things about camp. I want to focus on the stellar.

So, here are some stellar things about our lives here at camp:
Jeremy and I have come on an adventure!
I am living in Idaho, a new place I've never been before.
The towns nearby have banks, restaurants, and shopping for our days off.
The weather is not grossly hot or insanely humid.
The camp is in a beautiful location right on the lake.
We have a sand volleyball court and we'll get to have staff tournaments.
I have the opportunity to try blobbing, sailing, and rock running (all things I've never done before).
I am now certified to teach swim lessons, skin diving, and canoeing.
I've been asked to teach a "cardio" (Zumba) class and a "stretching" (yoga) class for the staff.
I've been asked to be the MC for the ski show and speak for a few things. 
I did know at least a few people before I came here.
The new people I've met are nice and fun to be around.
We don't have to pay for rent or food all summer.
Someone else does all the staff laundry.
We don't have to spend much on gas money this summer.
Jeremy and I have one of the nicest rooms on the property.
We have a great view of the lake.
Being married means we have a tad bit more license to make our own decisions. 
I don't have to be a counselor anymore.
I don't have to live in cramped quarters with several staff.
I have internet privileges because of my job.
I have my own space to do the desk work I need to do.
I am welcome to use the kitchen to make gluten-free food.
We have a place to sleep, food to eat, and money in our pockets.
We are healthy, have no terminal illnesses, or diseases.
We have full use of our arms, legs, eyes, ears, and bodies to play and learn.
We have people in our lives who love and support us.
I am married to my best friend.
I am alive and well.

As Sylvia Boorstein advises in rough spots, I am reminding myself daily: "Sweetheart, you're in pain. Relax, take a breath. Let's pay attention to what's happening here and then together we'll find a way."

May I not just react.
May I live with ease.
May I feel safe.
May I feel content.
May I feel strong.
May I see the stellar.


Kylie said...

You continue to amaze me. I'm proud of you, dear friend.