Monday, August 13, 2012

Three Month Anniversary

This morning, the alarm clock blared its greeting, I rolled over in bed, and Jeremy whispered, "Happy three month anniversary." Then we went on with our day.

These first three months of marriage at camp have been hard. Neither of us has felt very happy. And while it's hard to say: that's okay.

In June, it was not okay. Not happy? Why are we not happy? What are we doing wrong? What's wrong with our marriage?

In July, it was not okay. Not happy, still? What's wrong with everyone else? Why can't they make us happy? Or maybe it's us? Did we bring this on ourselves?

In August (on the 13th @ 6:28pm), it's okay. This is a season. It's not the season I had hoped for and not a season I would necessarily want to repeat, but "happy" is still available to us even if these first few months have been lacking.

When "happy" feels so far away, I tend to get anxious. Scared. Unsure. As if this season determines all other seasons of our life. Forever. But I know, that there is a time for everything, and I'm hoping that the "happy" portion of that time comes around again soon. And chances are, it will. Because it always does. Even when I'm sure it won't. It will.

These three months have been important. Maybe we needed them. To be humbled. To be lonely. To meet new people. To make connections. To be frustrated. To cry. To live in a new place. To check out the northwest. To impact someone somehow. To feel. To experience and move forward.

Thank you, first three months, for what we have felt and tasted and seen and learned.

Our contract ends in less than two weeks and we'll be happy to pack up the truck, clean out our desks, and depart for our next adventure. Currently, the plan is to take our time driving to Colorado; maybe stop in Bozeman or Arches National Park (pretty much anything we can do cheaply). Then we're going to our friend, Alicia's, wedding. We hope to see a few friends on our drive through the mountains and spend some time with my parents on the other side (...of the mountain).

At this point, the plan is to head back to good 'ol Nebraska. It's been home to us for a few years and we have truly wonderful friends and family there. This summer, I've been reminded of how very important those friends and family are.

We're looking forward to finding a home.
Finding jobs.
Spending time together.
Spending time with people we love.
Capturing some sense of normal.
Enjoying moments where we can do un-normal things.
Planning for the future.
Throwing parties for no reason at all.
Discovering new places.
And relishing in old ones.


bryanwithay said...

I admire your unhappy's a good perspective :)