Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Compassion

I woke up this morning lacking compassion.

My reflection reeked insufficiency.
My mental state was destitute of alertness.
My mood felt a deficit of optimism.
My stomach was insufficient of nourishment.
Then, I went to work and shared this with everyone I came in contact with today.
Joy.

So I raised my voice to Devon.
I rolled my eyes at Adam.
I grabbed Trenton hastily and scared him.
I impatiently gave directions to Joseph.
And scowled at him when he disobeyed.

I woke up this morning lacking compassion.

I can blame it on circumstance.
I can blame it on the weather.
I can blame it on the kiddos.
I mean, come on, anyone would struggle with these kids!
I can blame it on my administration.
Or, I can be truthful, and put the responsibility squarely on my own shoulders where it belongs.

I woke up this morning lacking compassion...because I chose to.

When I repeatedly deny myself the same love and acceptance and care that I regularly dish out to others, we all suffer. Because if I'm not fed, no one is fed. If I'm empty, everyone's empty.

Compassion takes work.
It doesn't happen simply because we want it to.
It happens because we will it to.

And being as though "compassion" hasn't made the list ahead of cooking dinner, paying bills, and checking Facebook, I've been short, judgmental, and impatient.

"Compassion" needs a new place.
Nearer to the top.
If not #1.




1 comments:

EMILY STAR said...

I love this post and feel like the idea that compassion is something that has to be willed and not just wanted....is so true. I read this quote a while ago about compassion and your post reminded me of it. “Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it.” -Henri J.M. Nouwen