Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Ten Month Anniversary

Our marriage is not a balloon.
Air light.

It's not poppable.
Vulnerable to sharp objects.
Or too much pressure.
Or heat.

If it were, our marriage would last about as long as the Kardashian's tend to.
The relationship would be foundation-less.

Our marriage is like a bowling ball.
Painful when carelessly dropped.
Especially on fingers and toes and hearts.

It gains momentum the longer it rolls.
It is a force to be reckoned with.
It can hit a wall.
Leave a dent.
But inevitably pick up speed again when worked for.
When pushed.

This weekend our marriage felt balloony. Like our four years together could be threatened. Challenged. All with one careless comment.  As if we've never fought. As if we've never hurt each other. Sometimes each wall feels new. And equally painful. As though "this" is the one we just can't overcome.

But I'm reminded that our marriage is not a balloon. It's not so easily tarnished.
It's a bowling ball for goodness sake!
We've worked for that.
We've limbered up.
Strengthened our "compromise" and "forgiveness" muscles.
We've trained for moments like this.
We've had a lot of experience.

And here it is. Another wall.

We don't get through these conversations because they're easy.
Or second nature.
We don't get through these conversations because we know them by heart.
Or they no longer surprise us.

But the point isn't in expertly predicting what the next wall will look like.
The lesson comes in learning tools that apply to nearly every wall.

We don't know the ins-and-outs of every wall.
But we know walls.

So certain tools have helped us, like:
-listening (duh)
-we say things like "I feel..." and "I hear you saying..."
-we ask questions for clarification
-we hold hands even when we don't want to
-we don't raise our voices at each other (because who needs a raise in blood pressure at a moment like this?)
-we've vowed that our favorite curse words are off the table when we're upset
-we don't use past ammunition in present spats
-we remember that this is what the promise is for

Even mid-wall, our marriage is a bowling ball.

And only ten months in...that's no small thing.


Troy Beans said...

Made me smile! Made me think! Outstanding!

Amy Barton said...

Good thoughts- nice clipart ;). Favorite part: gains momentum as it rolls.