Saturday, April 13, 2013

Eleven Month Anniversary

At Christmas a few years ago, Jeremy bought me a blank scrapbook to fill up with pictures and memories of us. Last week, I found the book (and the three completed pages) under our bed and decided it was about time I put a little more work into this project.

I browsed through pictures and memories:
-our first e-mail
-our first date
-the first trip to Colorado to visit my family
-the first trip to Delaware to visit his family
-memories with friends
-graduations and weddings and birthdays
-four years of summer camp together
-and most recently, our wedding day
-nearly five years of learning how to love each other better

These images reminded me of our journey together: from those awkward first glances to the marriage we have now. It hasn't all been roses, but it hasn't all been rain either.

The last month has brought a lot of rain. It's made my vision blurry and skewed. I couldn't trust my own perception of what was happening around me. It's been hard. But a good memory (and a wealth of photographs) remind me that it hasn't always been this way. And it won't always be this way. It's just been this way lately.

And remembering the five-year journey that brought us to where we stand today has made me softer. Less defensive. Kinder. Less concerned with controlling the-heck-outta' this situation until it's exactly the way it "should" be. No, today I remembered that the man I married is the same man I fell in love with years ago and this feels good.

Thus goes my perpetual path toward letting go.

Letting go and living better.

One month of marriage at a time.