Monday, May 12, 2014

Buh-Bums

Eight years ago, I met my husband. It wasn't sweet or obvious or particularly meaningful. We just worked in the same department in college. In my mind, he wasn't anything special. If anything, he was kind of arrogant. Oh, those IRR majors (International Rescue and Relief).

Seven years ago, I went to Cambodia to be an English teacher. I took a year away from college and got my butt handed to me. It was a rough year. The perfect time for "that guy" Jeremy to send me an e-mail asking, "How's it going?" And I was desperate, so I told him because I really needed someone to ask. 

Six years ago, we were both back at Union college. On this side of things, we knew more about each other. He knew my junk and I knew his. And we both decided that each other's junk was okay. Courageous, even. So we started dating.

And I'll never forget the moment I knew we were a thing.

I had gone over to his apartment one evening and he told me he was going to move to Tennessee for his master's degree. Who starts a dating relationship by moving to another State? Jeremy does. But still, I was in. For both of us it was hard and heartbreaking, but right. 

We were sitting on his couch. I put my head to his chest and felt his heart beat: buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum. And we stayed there a long time.

Just sitting and thinking and listening: buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum.

And it felt sacred to be so close to someone's heart. To be pressed up against the very thing that is keeping them alive. Their source. Their core. Their heart.

And I didn't know then what I know now. 
That we'd date for eighteen months long-distance. 
And that I'd stand in tears in several airport security check-points after we said, "Goodbye." Again.
That I'd spend three summers working with him at camp. 
That we'd get engaged in December 2011.
And that we'd be married May 13, 2012.



Or that six years later we'd be married and living/thriving in Korea.




Whoa.

The things we just can't know today.

When we were first married, I couldn't get used to having someone else in my bed. I couldn't fall asleep if we were touching. If he was moving. If I remembered he was there. But now, I've gotten used to feeling him in the bed. And I often fall asleep to the buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum in his chest. And it's still my favorite place to be.

And everything feels so big.
So incomprehensible.
So holy.
Like how is this buh-bum, the same buh-bum?

How are we so fragile?
How am I so lucky?
How are we so blessed?

If I think about it too long, it makes me dizzy. So instead, I am just grateful. I take intentional time to remember just how lucky we are, for the moments, the blessings, and all the buh-bums.



PODCAST:
Recently, we sat down with our friends here in Korea, Bob and Trish Evans. They asked to interview us for their podcast on iTunes called "Mutual Weirdness".

If you want to hear it, check it out here:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mutual-weirdness/id598729504?mt=2



3 comments:

sleepyincheongju said...

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Carley Brown said...

Just wanted you to know I stopped by. I love reading your posts. I'm also going to make some Carrot Cake Bars. If you stop blogging someday, I think I'd be a sad follower because I always really enjoy visiting.

Heather said...

Aww, thanks Carley! I'd say you and my Mom are my most loyal readers. Glad you get good things when you stop by.