Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Reasons My Husband is a Trooper

Last week was a bit rough for me. And if you're married, this inevitably means it was a rough week for "us." It was a week of three gynecology appointments, one positive Pap smear, and a lot of uncertain fears. 

My husband is quite the trooper. 

This is true for several reasons.

#1. It is not uncommon for a woman's "lady part issues" to be something only discussed with other ladies. Maybe it's culture, maybe it's media, but it seems to me that the fact that women bleed and feel are deeply disturbing to some dudes. Not so for my husband.

He's educated (Somebody paid attention in A&P class...). He's fascinated. And this goes a long way in making a girl feel less icky and more human.

#2. He let's me feel stuff. Not just the easy stuff, but the hard stuff. The ugly crying stuff. He doesn't run away from my tears. He doesn't try to fix everything. He doesn't explain away the reasons why I shouldn't feel the way I'm feeling. In moments of fear, everyone (not just women) wants to be heard and validated not bombarded with factoids.

When the doctor told me last week that I had "atypical squamous cells" and I started Googling what the hell that meant, Jeremy didn't say, "Oh, come on. Aren't we being a little dramatic?" or "Seriously. You're wigging out over nothing."

No, because that only would've made me feel small and silly and ashamed. Instead, he said, "I'm sorry. How can I help?" 

Four little words: 

These words could move mountains if we'd let them. Wow.

Jeremy is well-versed in the ways of science and medicine. While I ran away from science classes, he loaded up on them and became an EMT. So he and I have had many a spat about the different ways we approach being ill or injured. He tends to be more chill, I tend to be more cautious. I don't know that one way is right and the other is wrong, we're just different. So when this latest health problem came up, I half-expected him to take his super chill approach. But he sensed my own fears and just sat with me instead. 

That's no small thing.

#3. At my last appointment, when they were going to give me my test results, Jeremy offered to come along and hold my hand. I declined, but I love that he was willing. As soon as I walked in the door at home, he pronounced, "It's not cancer!" with a giant grin on his face. He wrapped me in a hug that felt like the sweetest thing this century. We did the "grown-up dance" which is the little number we pull out of our pockets when we're feeling like real-live adults. Which is actually quite rare. 

We danced. We laughed. We snuggled it out on the couch.

Did Jeremy really think I had cancer? No.
Did Jeremy really need to be excited? No.

He did these things for me. For my benefit.

That's the best thing about being married: You've got a best friend who does sweet things with no benefit to themselves. That's love, folks.

That's love.


kameroncarter said...

I am grateful you have a husband as awesome as Jermy Sterndale. May you both continue to look up as you move forward. Hip hip HORRAY to my fav young married couple

Trina Yeo said...

Aw, Heather! So glad you're ok. Love your writing and that you've got yourself such a good one.

Carley Brown said...

I admire your marriage. This was such a great post. What a great guy! Glad everything is okay with you. You two are awesome special people!