Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Two Point Seven Five

Today is our 2.75 wedding anniversary.

Call me corny, but on the 12th of every month I pause and take a moment to think about Jeremy and our marriage and our love story: where we've been, where we are, and where we are going.

And this week, thinking about marriage, I was reminded of a quote I recently heard from Brene Brown that goes something like this:

"Show me a woman who can sit with a man who is in deep vulnerability and fear, and I'll show you a woman who has some awareness of this work and has done it and most importantly, does not derive her power from that man."

"Show me a man who can sit with a woman in struggle, and just hear her as opposed to trying to fix it, I'll show you a man who is aware of his work and who doesn't derive his power from being Oz: all-knowing and all-powerful."

I can honestly say that, as I heard this, I knew in my heart of hearts that 
I am that woman 
Jeremy is that man

And that makes me feel overwhelmingly proud of our journey. To know that a fundamental truth of our story--from the beginning--has been allowing each other to be 
-or hurt

and just sitting and listening to that without trying to make it go away. 

Not because we get it right every time or we have this "marriage thing" all figured out, but because it's a theme that is often true. It's a thing we do for each other.

And oooofta...
That's a beautiful thing right there.

If you know me at all, you know I have a major crush/love/infatuation with the work of Brene Brown. And if I say, "You know that Brene Brown video..." and you say, "Wait, who is Brene Brown again?"

Well, friend. We might need to renegotiate the terms of our friendship.

No, really.

If I had to pick a theme; only one thing that has positively changed the direction of my life in the past decade, it would be this: 
vulnerability is strength 
a whole-hearted life of courage is one worth fighting for.

Brown has written several books and done a couple TED talks, but here is an RSA teaching that I watched most recently with Jeremy. It's about 20 minutes, but encapsulates well a lot of the research she's done around shame and vulnerability.

If you just can't be bothered with a FULL 20 minutes, here are two, quick little animations that illustrate two of her points on empathy and blame:


"Vulnerability is the path back to each other 
and the path to intimacy."


emily said...

Thank you so much for sharing. This is awesome. The disconnect in my relationships have always come when I've tried to be in control or refused to accept and own my vulnerability. Beautiful reminders of how to truly live.