Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Closing That Book

Remember that time I said I wanted to try my hand at fiction?

Well, I did. For the months of November and December, I woke up early every morning before work to put 1,000 words on "paper". To mold a story out of nothing. To create something I'd never created before. And when January 2015 arrived, I had indeed written 50,000 words! It felt amazing for a whole second, until it felt shitty, because the story wasn't finished.

And it's still not finished yet.


Because I hate it.

Yeah, I hate this story.
I don't care about it.
I haven't touched it since January.

When I told this to my friend Kylie on Skype, she looked at me earnestly and after a pause, she said, "I'm not sure what you need to hear right now."

Because what's the "right" answer after all?

A theme that comes up often enough in my life is: When is it time to call it quits?

And I don't know. And no one does. And it's a question that may never have a clear answer. Because some people say:

and others say:


But frankly, I don't want to fall into either of these camps, because while we try to use "never"s and "always"s to describe things in life, they rarely do the job. Life is much too gray.

I'm sure that this quote was meant to inspire people to leave abusive relationships or quit dead-end jobs, but when I saw this quote on Pinterest yesterday, I basically took it as a sign from the Universe to literally close this stupid book.

And not because I necessarily think it's the best decision, it's just the decision I'm making.

And for my own sanity, I'm letting that be enough.